The affect being gay has on mental health

I think it is fairly common knowledge that that people in the LGB community are more likely to suffer from mental health problems. I’m not sure where I first heard this, but I’ve just had a quick look around and found this factsheet from mental health charity Mind, which cites studies and literature reviews that have confirmed that.

Since I came out to my parents only recently, one of my friends has commented that it’s unfortunate that the fairly significant decline in my mental health has come recently too. This will no doubt further confirm my parents’ belief that all will be ok if I just reject my deviant lifestyle and turn back to God. My parents have been talking to me about an “ex-gay” they have had contact with, and how God has completely set him free, whatever whatever…..

The thing is, it is so absolutely clear to me that he needed healing not from being gay, but from having experienced sexual abuse as a child. Additionally, I suspect he was open to Christian teachings against homosexuality because of the constant barage of anti-gay messages he has been exposed to throughout his life. Much as he claims that this isn’t the case, and he lived in a very accepting environment, from the things this man has said, he never seemed to entirely accept himself. If anyone reading this is in any doubt, there are gay people who are happy. Obviously, I’ve just linked to a factsheet showing that we are more likely to have mental health problems, but that’s still not all gay people. And, importantly, gay people have to go through a lot that straight people don’t have to go through, some of which I’ll go through below:

• From very early on children are taught that they will get married and have children
• Children often don’t see gay people at all in society. Until very recently, for example, straight teachers might have talked about their relationships (ie mentioning partners), gay teachers were far less likely to do that because of Section 28.
• Whenever children are taught about sex, whether that is by parents or at school, it is heterosexual sex they learn about.

These things can contribute hugely to internalised homophobia, so that it can be very difficult for someone to accept that they might be gay. Once someone has accepted that they are, or while they are in the process of doing that, there are a lot of stressful experiences related to being gay:

• Coming out: to parents, friends, colleagues. Every time you come out it is a big deal. Every time you start a new job, or make new friends, you wonder (or at least I do) if people will be ok with this. Even though I’m comfortable enough to go “fuck you” to anyone who was an idiot about it now, it is still stressful.
• Homophobic incidents. Family, colleagues, strangers on the street. I remember sitting on the tube with a ex-girlfriend and having some bloke taking pictures of us – this was stressful. Some gay people, in particular gay men, may be attacked for being gay. This is also stressful. Not only are these individual incidents stressful, but I personally feel I have to be on my guard all the time when I’m out with a girlfriend, or if I’m out looking obviously gay (for whatever reason) – this means I am living in a permanently heightened state of stress!
• It isn’t uncommon to hear jokes made at the expense of the gay community. This is stressful in itself, but then I have to make a decision whether or not to point out to somebody that what they said was homophobic or heterocentric. Whichever one I decide will be stressful – often if I decide to say something I will be accused of overreacting (by someone who has no idea of my experiences – straight privilege, anyone?). If I don’t then I have to worry more about if they’ll think it’s acceptable to talk like that (it isn’t; just because nobody has pulled you up on it doesn’t mean it’s ok, it could just be that they’re too intimidated).

Is it any wonder that LGB people are more likely to suffer from mental health problems??

I was reading the Guardian today, and was, to be honest, thrilled, and more than a bit amused, to see this piece. I’ve had counselling once before, and the fact that I was brought up in a very Christian home, and that I identified with that for a long time, together with my sexuality, was the main focus of the sessions. I’m starting counselling again soon, and while this time I think there will be a lot of other issues, I still think this will be a big part of it.

The piece itself is by a Catholic therapist, and as I’m not religious any more, I guess I don’t so much see the need for what he’s talking about. But I’ll leave you with the one bit that rang a chord with me:

From a psychotherapeutic point of view, one of the risk factors for mental health difficulties among gay and lesbian people is growing up, and remaining, in one of the toxic versions of the monotheistic religions.

Who would have thought??

Is it any wonder I’ve turned out the way I am?

I saw my dad the other day, and he started talking about mental illness and it’s causes. Basically, as far as I can figure out, he thinks I’m depressed because one of my ancestors, back in the early 1900s, committed suicide. After that happened, a demon entered the family, so I guess I’m possessed or something??

Thinking about it, it’s actually pretty amazing that I’m only as fucked up as I am! Given that I believed this sort of shit throughout my entire childhood an adolescence.

Sam