Yesterday

Well, it was a bit weird. I typed that post, then of course forgot to publish it, which is why it didn’t come up till about midnight, or whenever. I would have posted something else, but as I was on the internet, I had one of the music channels on, and my dad came in. Then that song “I kissed a girl” came on. Luckily it is quite a while before the chorus starts so I managed to shut down what I was doing and go to bed! I couldn’t handle him thinking things. I imagine he must think that when I hear that song I feel the way they used to when they heard that song by Mary, Mary. Well, I would, except that the song is crap. It’s just so shit! It’s just about two women making out to appeal to their boyfriends! I would not have liked to explain that to him.

In other things, I started my CBT programme. I’m a bit nervous about it. I’ve been asked to monitor my problems, which of which I put down as, “Feeling completely hopeless. As in, nothing will work for me, or for anyone else ever.” I’m paranoid that the result will be I have to stop reading the paper, or thinking about anything that happens in the world ever! But I’ll see how it goes.

Also, my GP changed my medication, which is good. Basically, I went in and said, “I feel like I’m waiting to die. I’m not going to live into old age, so I just think that every moment I’m not planning on how to kill myself, is time wasted.” Hopefully things will look up.

Sam