First date

I have a date coming up. I am really excited about this. I met her online, so I don’t exactly know her, but from her pictures, I think she is beautiful. She also seems awesome.

However the thought of beginning a relationship kind of scares me. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to handle a relationship. More to the point, I’m not certain how well anyone would deal with being in a relationship with me! I think when I’m well, when I’m me, I’m probably quite low maintenance – I have always been independent. At the moment, however, I am certainly not low-maintenance. But we’ll see, I guess. There are lots of problems with me saying all this now; I’m not sure how well I can separate the person that I am, in myself, from the person who is fairly ill.

I should not talk like this! Not only is this my first date with this woman, but this feels like my first real date in my life. I have had two relationships, and within those relationships we went on dates, but it’s not the same. In addition to these, I have had a few one night stands, and I have been on a couple of dates with blokes. I only went on these dates, though, in order to shut my friends up: they kept saying that I should give these guys that I was meeting a chance (it was my first year of uni – I met a few). So for my date, I get to be excited about it, panic about what to wear, at the moment I’m trying to work out how much make up to wear (I often don’t wear any, but I do like to sometimes). Ooh, and someone even asked me what I’m going to do with my hair – if I can get away with it I tend to not even brush it.

Hello world!

Well folks, I’m not really sure where this is going to end up – time will tell, I guess!!

This is the third edit of this post – I’m wondering how many I’ll do in total!

Due to my depression I’ve had to move back in with my parents, and things are intensely up and down at the moment. But I’m trying to sort myself out. I’m learning to swim, and doing loads of exercise, once a week going swimming with a new friend, which is great. Now that I have a bit more time and money I’m also going to start building up my collection of books, in particular feminist and other political books, so I expect at some point I’ll do some book reviews.

I guess now is as good a time as any to give a basic summary of what my life has been. It’ll put some of the stuff I post about in context, if nothing else. My family is deeply religious, very very Christian. About as fundamentalist as you get in this country, to be honest. When I came out to them recently, they were not happy. They still love me and all that, so it could be a lot worse. And they were more than happy for me to move back in with them, even knowing the dreadful sins I have committed! I guess this will go some way to explain my mental health problems! That’s sort of the key thing, I think. By which I mean that the other stuff I post will make sense if you know this stuff.