Nice guys

I think a lot of feminists have a tendency to a double standard, or sorts. I do too, although this is something that I’ve tried hard not to do. A lot of the time we will refuse to blame women who are victims – which is absolutely the right thing to do. A lot of people, when a woman is in a violent relationship, for example, will question why she stayed there. That this is the first question we ask is indicative of some problem in society, and I wish I knew how to change that! On the other hand, a man that is being abusive is treated, among feminists, as having complete control over every decision he made, every one of his actions. Of course he shouldn’t be let off, but feminists, I think, need to work on ways to educate all men so they understand that women are people too.

The Perfect Vagina

I saw a little bit of the show that was on Channel 4, but not very much of it. This review, on the F Word, is really good. And this is the part that particularly rang true with me:

Those small pieces of pink, wrinkly skin lying on the operating table were probably two of the most sensitive areas in Rosie’s body, and she had just had them cut off because she thought they didn’t look nice.

This is key. Our bodies don’t exist for the viewing pleasure of men. This is true of our entire bodies. They are just the way they are: largely functional. This is the way the human body has evolved. But I can kind of understand the way women have been convinced that they need to look ‘good’, by dieting, wearing clothes to ‘flatter’, and so forth. I don’t support it, but I can vaguely understand it. I really don’t like the way it is now expected that women will shave their pubic hair. These are our bodies – what the hell is wrong with them? But, you know, pubic hair grows back. It’s not the end of the world.

But our genitals exist for out pleasure. And women are making permanent changes to parts of their bodies which solely exist for pleasure. How is it that we criticise the practise of female genital mutilation in other cultures, but we are doing exactly that? It is exactly the same – we are mutilating women’s genitals in order to please men, despite the fact that it’s reducing the pleasure that these women will experience – admittedly to a lesser degree.

We talk about how sexually liberated we are, and yet we still do this. Is this not an indication of how, actually, even in this sexually liberated society, sex is something women do for men? Women’s pleasure is secondary to men’s.

Rape

A number of years ago when I was debating the premise of feminism, I liked the concept of ’sex-positive’ feminism. I did quite a bit of research at that point, mainly using various feminist blogs, and they contributed a lot to the feminism I subscribe to now. I’m not sure if I am a radical feminist, but I’m certainly not ’sex-positive’ (NB. I’d also like to stress that I’m not ’sex-negative’). Anyway, one of the best blogs I read, was “Den of the Biting Beaver.” Sadly, the blog itself has either closed down, or been changed so that only her friends can read it. But there is an archive here. I’d like to post her rape checklist, directly, because it challenged things a lot for me. BB’s points are in bold, and I have made comments, where I’ve felt necessary.